PRIVACY POLICY GDPR THING HOOZIT
“With thanks to Writers’ HQ, our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid and sweary Privacy Policy.”
Wow has anyone ever read one of these?
I have to have one of these dealios to explain how this website complies with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’s not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.
Also I don’t really know what these things are. But thanks to WritersHQ I understand a bit better, and as such have just stolen theirs. (With permission! I’m allowed to, I swear.)
Short words (written by short people)
The best bit about the GDPR stuff is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, motherfuckers, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see. (Apologies to Mami if you read this, since I used the f-word. But also good on you for reading my privacy policy! I’m impressed.)
So. Here we go…
TL;DR
I’m just a girl, sitting in my home office, trying to write books that people like. I don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that I’m not evil – I’m as corruptible as anyone – I’m just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.
I collect and store the info I need to do the stuff I need to do. I may occasionally stalk you via Facebook or Google adverts. That’s really it.
COOKIES
Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? I took a course in undergrad when I was studying abroad in Australia where I learned it, but that was like two decades ago so I definitely don’t remember the details.
Yes we use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want our delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to us when nothing does what it’s supposed to.
STALKY VISITOR TRACKING
Look, we’re following you, ok? We use Google Analytics, primarily to stare at the real time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people are looking at so we can write more of the stuff you like.
We may also have the Facebook Pixel installed so that we can sell you stuff. Yes you heard it. Writing is a business and – shocker – we want you to spend money with us. The Facebook Pixel means that we can see how people interact with our site and with Facebook adverts and then we try to flog you relevant stuff. If you’ve not seen the Facebook Ads analytics dashboard MAN ALIVE it’s stalker central. That shit is a terrifying Black Mirror horror show. If you’re not on Facebook – well bloody done but the pixel is tracking you anyway.
Don’t know if there’s a specific Facebook Pixel blocking thing but we accidentally discovered that if you use Freedom app to block social media while you’re writing it also blocks the FB pixel. Handy hints!
None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that we’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with us by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing our stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE WRITING. Or watching Survivor. Seriously, that show is a lot better than most people give it credit for, especially if you watch from the beginning and see the evolution of the game over time and as superfans became players themselves!
DATA STORAGE
If you sign up for the newsletter, or get one of the shorts from my newsletter, then - surprise, surprise - your info is going to be stored on my newsletter list. I save that among my own stuff, as well as with MailerLite, which is my newsletter manager. Depending on if you open the emails from me and if so, which ones you do and which links you click, I might use that information to decide what future newsletters you get. It’s all pretty standard newsletter stuff, tbh, and I won’t share that data with anyone.
There’s an unsubscribe link at the bottom of the newsletter, and clicking that will unsubscribe you. If you want me to delete all your data that I’ve collected from my newsletter, you can email me at gemblytheauthor@gmail.com.
SOCIAL MEDIA
If I’m doing this self pub thing right, I’m using social media to promote, but more than likely I’m using it to procrastinate and compare myself against other writers and then drown myself in ice cream. If you chat at me and you don’t appear to be spam I’ll chat back. If you’d rather me not chat back you’re always welcome to ask and I’ll stop. You’re also welcome to block me if that floats your boat!
You obviously don’t have to follow my social media, but I mean, you can if you want!
AFFILIATE LINKS
I occasionally use affiliate links, and you might find those in my links to Amazon. I may also have Barnes and Noble, Kobo, Apple, and Google affiliate links, if I finally figured out how to use them. Those links track purchase data using cookies, and I may be able to use them for nefarious purposes but I only use them for the small percentage of affiliate income I get with them. Which basically mean, if you click a buy link, I may make some money from it (but don’t worry, the price on your end doesn’t change.)